The pace of the Rat Race picking up speed at an alarming rate, and multi-tasking is one of the ways we're keeping up with the increasing demands in our lives.
We multi-task at work. We multi-task at home. We multi-task while driving, eating, showering and dreaming.
We take on more for the boss, the children, our spouse, our house, our friends, and our colleagues.
And all the while the only person we seem able to say "no" to is ourselves.
NO time for the gym!
NO
time for a relaxing bath!
NO money for a spa day!
NO speaking up!
And above all, NO SAYING "NO!"
Here are some of my favorite tips for learning to (and permitting yourself to) say no:
1. Consider the ramifications of saying "yes".
When we say yes, we usually end up:
- spending time doing things we don't care to do
- resenting the person who asked us to do "it", the person who should be doing "it", and ourselves for saying "yes"
- feeling controlled by others
- worn out and put out
2. Recognize why you say yes.
When we poll participants in our "virtual careers" training classes, the top three reasons people give for not saying no are:
- I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make them mad at me.
- When people ask me to do something, they're showing faith in me and I can't let them down.
- I am a wimp.
- (Running a close 4th, "I was raised in the south and saying no is just rude.")
3. Recognize the realities:
- You, just like the people you say yes to, have only 24 hours in the day. Ask yourself who are you "shorting" to give this person a slice of your 24? (yourself, your family, etc.)
- Sometimes, people ask you to do things not because they know how wonderful you are, but rather because they just don't feel like doing it themselves.
- People will only value your time as much as you do - an occasional "no" may just make you more alluring.
- The more you say yes, the more often you'll be asked to do it again.
- When it comes to your time, you deserve more than the leftovers.
4. Growing Your "NO":
- Preface your "no" with a regret. "I'm sorry, but I just not able to fit that into my schedule."
- Offer a less imposing alternative, "I can't manage all of that, but I would be happy to do X if you can find someone else to do Y."
- Uncomfortable saying no in person, try the old "I'll get back to you" trick. "I think I have something going on. Let me check my schedule and get back to you." (Follow up via phone or email.)
- Explain why you're saying no. "I would, but that would mean my other projects are going to be late and I have made commitments to get them in by close of business."
- Make it personal. "Gosh, you know, with the hours I've been working my kids have forgotten what I look like. Today, I've promised myself I'd leave here by 5:00."
- Negotiate. "I can't do it today, but I could do it for you on Thursday."
- Find another workhorse. "I'm full up, but maybe Chuck can give you a hand with it."
5. "NO" Pointers
- Keep a calendar close at hand and refer to it when asked to do something. This will help drive the point home that you really ARE a busy person. ("The calendar made me do it!")
- Be firm, but polite.
- Do NOT act like you're doing something wrong. (The well-practiced "pusher" will play on your guilt.)
- Remember what you are gaining by saying no. (Time for yourself, your family, less stress, pride, self-confidence, respect, etc.)
Be a little rebellious and tell someone "NO" today.
Believe me, you'll get over the guilt more quickly than you think, and you just might enjoy the time you have when you're not doing what you were asked to!
Rebelliously yours,
Chris
